I Love You So Much It's Killing
Us Both
---------------------------------------
A week inside, I think I'm starting to show.
I told myself to keep myself in line.
Should we get married or just go on killing each
other?
I don't think I hate you enough to commit you
to me.
Happy all the time. It's all we ever do.
Steady in decline. It's all we ever do.
I'm sorry but it's true.
How can I save you when I couldn't save a dime.
I want to call you and tell you that I'm a fan.
All my friends know better but I can't quite
hear them.
Still for the life of me I can't imagine our
home.
Good things, that's all I want.
All I want for you.
Hold me. Set me free.
It's all I want from you.
It's sad and it's so true.
If you can't be the life of the part,
You'll be the death of everyone.
All I want is a life without parties.
Want you as one.
Watch this pot and it is sure to boil.
Sometimes I catch myself thinking,
"Boy, or girl?"
Kiss me on the teeth. It's all that we
can do.
Punch me. Wake me up.
This lullaby is blue.
Lie and say we're through.
Dreamed I was a fireman.
I just smoked and watched you burn.
Dreamed I was an astronaut.
I shot you down like a juggernaut.
Dreamed we were still going out.
Had that one a few times now.
Woke up to find we were not.
It's good to be awake.
Dreamed I was a tidal wave.
I ravaged your coast,
There were no survivors.
Dreamed I was your landlord.
I showed you place when you had lovers.
If I was a vampire,
I wouldn't suck your blood.
Then I dreamed I was you.
Sweetest dream I have had.
If you could hear the dreams I've had, my dear,
They would give you nightmares for a week.
But you're not here and I can never sleep.
Come home so I can be a creep.
Dreamed I was a dream.
I stole you away in your sleep.
Saved you from a fire,
A gun for hire,
I introduced you to a vampire.
A wave crashed on the beach.
We rolled around in its foamy grasp.
Kissing in the chaos of a kelpy sea.
Seems I couldn't save you from me.
Maybe I'm obsessive to think like this.
Probably not impressing you with my cheap tricks.
Honey, it's depressing what depression does to
some.
I'll play the part for hours
But I know you'll never come.
What's the furthest place from here?
It hasn't been my day for a couple years.
What's a couple more?
And if I go, don't forget the one good thing
I almost did.
I learned your name without words.
I used my eyes, not my hands.
What's the closest you can come to an almost
total wreck and still walk away,
All limbs intact?
And when I go, you'll be there crying out, begging
me.
I won't hear.
I'll just go fast into this night on broken legs.
A near miss or a close call?
I keep a room at the hospital.
I scratch my accidents into the wall.
I couldn't wait to breathe your breath.
I cut in line,
I bled to death.
I got to you, there was nothing left.
What's the meanest you can be to the one you
claim to love
And still smile to your new found friends?
In the same confusing breath,
You pull away and draw me in.
I wanted you. You wanted more.
I built this life and now it's mine.
Chemistry
---------
This must be the place.
I can tell by your glare.
I wouldn't touch you on a dare.
Seven months to June and even then, so what?
My mouth is open, my book is shut.
My air guitar is out of tune.
My stupid hair is so '82 to you.
At least I don't fit in.
Corner me in Chemistry.
It's all just simple math to me.
Call me your names.
Make them stick.
I'll laugh until I am sick.
Glad that that's all through.
Got better friends to do.
Just can't remember where I left them.
I'll see you all in class.
Not if I ditch first.
Expect the best, accept the worst.
Walk until your blush subsides.
Drink the 405 in the ivy and think about that
girl.
Two grades below.
She pierced her nose way before it was cool.
Some older guy with a motorbike picks her up
after school.
This school's a living hell.
I work and don't get paid.
I smoke a lot but can't get laid.
Sit and stare, it's all we do.
All my friends are broken, too.
We're just waiting. Waiting to begin.
Oyster
------
The world is an oyster locked in a shell.
You like the taste of it but can't take the smell.
I can't sleep to save my life.
The day is done but I don't think I got it right.
I don't want to kiss right now.
You're probably just what I need but I can't
stand your mouth.
I dot my t's and cross my i's.
Pretend that I can write.
I haven't got a nice thing to say about anyone
except the one
Who caught me staring so I just walked away.
No one likes to give themselves over to an empty
bed.
If you're gonna sleep like that,
Then you might as well be dead.
But you still want all the covers
And no hair tickling your face.
You're so proud of your physique
But you still want your cake.
I got it!
Million
-------
Would that you could touch this angel in a clutch
of snakes.
Oh pretty, pretty, I'm aflame.
So excited, so unslept.
Somewhat littered, so unswept.
You have to sleep before you wake.
I am spilled and poured.
I am peeled and cored.
I am hanging from the floor.
Flicker like a freak through a sleepless week
In a black cell of forever.
There's a point to this.
A point I think I often miss.
Oh clever, clever, where's your heart?
You can turn a phrase until it reads a million
ways.
It makes no sense but it's as good as it is sad.
I am sad, elated.
I am segregated.
There's this stitching and it's itching.
All my friends are dead.
Asleep in distant beds.
At least these enemies stay close.
Take me to the pretty ones.
I want to be a pretty one.
Sign me to a nice girl so she can ruin me eternally.
They offered me a million bucks.
All I want's a steady fuck.
Oh steady, steady, where are you?
Channer surf a sea of static,
See the prize but you can't have it.
There's something thankless in a wish fulfilled.
I am thrilled and bored.
I am unskilled, adored.
All of both and none of one.
I would kill for more.
I haven't killed before.
I could set this heart on stun.
Take me to the pretty ones.
I want to be original.
Sign me to a nice girl so I can sing her something
meaningful.
In my perfect world I'd be signed to a nice girl.
It would cost one million kisses.
Lurker II: Dark Son of Night
-----------------------------
Connect the cable.
Have sex a lot.
A hostile climate clouds and sickens you.
Two room condo, treeless cul-de-sac.
A nun's dark habit.
All arm, no follow through.
As a favor to me.
As a place to go.
As a favor to me.
Little stitch to sew.
Loose leaf paper
At a loss for words.
A can of dinner.
Hard to get a rise.
Hook up the Sega.
Have sex alone.
Stick a fork in a socket.
Still it's no surprise.
I think I'm coming unplugged.
I just scratch and shrug.
Itches in my teeth.
As a favor to me.
I can't watch you all the time.
Much as I would like to,
As I think I ought to.
It's hard to argue for this life.
Harder still without you.
Don't make me survive you.
Ripe fruit falls from the tree so bare.
Dead in sunshine, decomposing there.
Spoiled and keeping.
Keeping tracks to pick.
Fitful sleeping.
Were you never sick?
Another mouth to feed.
As a favor to me.
As a need to need.
As a favor to me.
Warm and sated.
The walls get interesting.
Don't know what they're saying.
Perhaps they're listening.
So I stopped talking to hear the pins drop.
I'm in the back room so I won't hear you knock.
I'll be quiet to keep you quiet.
Don't concern yourself with my slow dying.
Through the vents I hear you sigh.
I don't get too high these days.
Your floor is my ceiling.
Lights out, you can't come in.
If you don't remind me, I won't forget you.
If you don't ask, I won't upset you.
I am jet black.
I am stone cold.
Jet black to the center.
Funny like a funeral.
I need you to bury me.
White noise in black room dust.
These hands long for one last touch.
Hourglass all out of trust.
I don't scratch so I won't itch.
I don't reach so I won't miss.
I taste our last kiss.
This is the cure: the same as the symptom.
Simple and pure: break to keep fixing.
Patiently nurse, patient and nurse.
This is the part I wouldn't show you.
The part where you say, "I don't even know you."
This is your cue.
Be glad it's through.
Bad Scene, Everyone's Fault
---------------------------
I went to a party last night.
What sick things I saw.
Makeout sessions and bicycle messengers,
Punks and art school dropouts.
I ran into this guy I knew
But hadn't seen in years.
We went into the neon kitchen and stole a couple
beers.
He said his girl had dumped him
But there was another guy.
He said that he still liked her.
All I could say was,
"Why, why, oh why, oh why,
Why is it always like this?
Either you're too mean, or you're too nice."
He said, "I even cooked her breakfast."
So we went into the living room.
Someone was blasting Zeppelin.
It sounded good.
I felt ashamed.
I knew every drum fill.
Anyway, there she sat,
Totally kissing this guy.
They looked good, I mean like in love.
Then I remembered my friend.
He said, "How could you do this?
You said that you needed your space.
He's wearing the shirt that I gave you."
Then she said, "Why, why, oh why, oh why,
Why are you always like this?
If I'm having fun then it's breaking your heart.
Besides, you said I could have it."
Then the cops showed up.
Sluttering (May 4th)
--------------------
Flattered that you think I warrant ugliness.
Gutters drain west, mud made a mess of us.
It's time to leave this place.
I'd saw through your wrist to find a better trap
that fits.
I'd saw through your traps to find a better you.
A part of you that lasts.
I saw through your trap and into my own wrists.
Saw we were through, red ribbons spill to blue:
A sight to sore your eyes.
I got this dress.
I'm hiking it around this waste of laughter.
Slow dance alone with no one to the sound of
four hands clapping.
Congratulations to you both, I hope you're happy.
If there's a moral to this story then I wish
you'd show me.
Hair in the blood, fly in the disappointment.
Rubber, I'm glue.
I'll write the book on you.
It's sticking to my face.
You need a little less than what you take for
granted.
This is the sip that's drinking back from you,
Blacking out your eyes.
You need a little more suppression of you appetites.
This is your honeymoon, in separate rooms,
It's neither sweet nor bright.
I made a word to give this state a name, this
game a guess.
I call it "sluttering."
It means as little as your little test.
You are your worst revenge.
Your very means, they have no ends.
This is a story you won't tell the kids we'll
never have.
If you hear this song a hundred times it still
won't be enough.
Basilica
--------
Sunken eyed best friend of mine.
Why do you sit so still, still shaking?
Superhero sapped of all powers.
I'll kneel beside you, watch you for hours.
There's an angel on you leaning down to kiss
your cheek.
Feathers floating on air.
This is my prayer for you.
Steps of stone, morning bright blue.
Stick of flame, a candle winks at you.
In the pew, head down I'm crying.
I think you have thoughts of dying.
I'm eclipsing them now.
Calling all allies down.
I'm consumed by your eyes.
Keep them open and full.
It's raining in your room.
Angel tears, bask sweet.
Angel eyes on you.
They love all that they see.
Dewy palm, cemetery lawn.
Walk alone in gardens of loss.
You can't have a flower of stone.
Never let this soil come between us.
I'm asking you on a date for the rest of your
life.
Unlisted Track
--------------
You can't sell me incense
My world smells good enough to eat
So let's not eat, just smell the good and longing
Not owning
We'll circle like insects
Incensing the grieve liquored herd
Have you heard an encouraging word from them
They pretend
To be so above it all
Or so they would have you think
I think, no one thinks at all
You might show some interest
You're world looks good enough to eat
I see he ghost of a better world
Living in the disbelief in ghosts
Everyone tells me they're crazy
Well crazy people aren't so fucking boring
Wake me when your through being cool, cause I'm
snoring
And hoping
To see you beside yourself
Show me the rose stuff of you
Would you
Do it for yourself
Or for me
We both need a change
Your fear or normalcy is hardly strange
Let's be freaks, plain clothes police
Let's be deliberate, because it's obvious to
me
Weird is pretty obvious
So color me obvious
I just want to be happy half the time
And blue only when I have the time